the authentic self

Where do I even begin? One interesting fact about me, is when I see a penny on the ground, if it's heads, I will always pick it up, but if its tails, then I flip it over for someone else to pick up. Hopefully making ones day. I like to think of the ones with heads up as lucky. But then I eventually almost always just forget about it because surprisingly I come across them a lot. There is this one that means the most to me and is currently in my locker inside the locker room. I found it on the soccer field thinking it was sign that I should pick it up and that it really was worth something. Thats another thing I tend to catch myself doing, is paying attention to the little signs around. Now I don't know whether these signs are actually telling me something but I am strong believer that everything happens for a reason and wherever I may go, that is where I am supposed to be. When I look at my phone and see "11:11" I always make a wish then too. I like to seek all the luck I can find and just hope they come true. I give advice to my friends about their relationship but when my boyfriend and I come across a similar situation, I don't always take my own advice. I am not one to ask for something, I always wait and hope that I get offered whatever it may be. I'm not a taker, I'm a giver. For example, when I was struggling with money, my friend knew I was but I was not about to ask her for money, but the kind person that she is, saw me in need and helped me.

I also care too much. And that probably gets me in trouble sometimes. I do care what people think of me, for example, Utah is full of mormons, and when I moved here from Tucson Az, I had no clue what a "mormon" even was or what they do, or practice, but as most of us should know, most active mormons don't believe in getting tattoos. So whenever I know that I will be present around a mormon, I try to be respectful and cover up my tattoos which one of them being on my right shoulder, because I hate being talked about in a negative way, and I hate being looked at as a fool.

When it comes to me and my flaws, I am insecure about them. As of right now, I plan on changing some things in the future about myself. And its so true that the media has influenced our society. If i'm laying with my boyfriend or someone, and I am in an uncomfortable position, but they look like they couldn't be more comfortable, I don't move. I just wait till they want to move. I hate to admit but I am a follower and not a leader.

When I say that everything happens for a reason, I mean god has a plan for all of us, and whoever steps foot into your life, that they have a reason for being there. Whether its a blessing or a lesson. I can name off a lot of people that I thought was going to be a blessing but which turned out to be a lesson. 

I have been knocked down and got myself up numerous of times. Im sure we all can say that. But even with all the bad that happens, I like to believe that something good is going to come out of it. For example, I've received 3 ACL tears, all in my left knee, in the matter of 3 1/2 years in my high school career. Not a lot of people can say that. It was a downfall in my life because I found myself getting into a lot of trouble at that time. I was depressed but didn't want to admit it. But I kept hope and received a full scholarship to play here at dixie. It was a miracle. I knew that that was the turning point in my life. It was huge to me. The movie soul surfer was my inspiration at that time. She encountered a huge impact on her body but she didn't quit no matter how hard it was to get back into the water. 

I would just like to end on this Lokai bracelet. For those that don't know what it is or what it looks like, its this beaded looking bracelet that I wear everyday, and its a constant reminder of balancing out the good and bad that come across in your life. This bracelet holds the highest point and lowest points on earth. One bead is white, and holds water from the highest point on earth which is from Mt. Everest. The black bead on the total opposite side of the bracelet holds mud from the dead sea which is the lowest point of earth. Its something I live by everyday and remind myself that even when I'm at a low point in my life, to stay hopeful. And when I'm at my highest point, where I think Ive got it all, is to stay humble.